1. I was walking into Wal-mart to get some golf balls when i accidentally stepped on the very back of this black guy’s shoe. “Sorry about that,” i said to hip as i passed him up. boom. the fucknut hits me in the back with his cart and i run into the clothing rack in front of me. “sorry about that,” he said, sarcastically. which reminds me of a time in 6th or 7th grade when a black girl punched me in the stomach for accidentally doing the same thing. don’t ever step on the back of a black person’s shoe. it REALLY ticks them off. :-)hey, you know what, while i’m at it:

– don’t ever smoke in crowd. cause when the drunk guy in front of you stumbles his drunk ass into your lit cigarette, it’s your fault

– don’t ever be born with good genes and grow up to be hot and then go to a party cause when all the girls form a circle around you the star football player will want to fight you

– and finally, don’t ever be talented at anything because when you and the fucknut that isn’t is around another group of people he WILL shoot you down for something you’ve never heard of

and, to those who are on the short end of this story, just like my mom said, i’ve got more talent in my pinky finger than you have in your whole family (corny, but damn, so true)

2. i was at the golf course, walking to the first tee, when an oriole (the bird) started repeatedly trying to divebomb me. i’d go hide underneath a tree for a few seconds and as soon as i would walk out, there he was again, trying to divebomb me, which was weird cause there was a group in front of me who that oriole didnt seem to have a problem with. Then it happened again on like, the 8th or 9th hole, and it was a completely different species of bird.